the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
