When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
