Im at strip club and am horny
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
