you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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