In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
