nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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