yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
