Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
