i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
