I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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