She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
