Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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