This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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