If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
