Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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