I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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