Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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