Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
