you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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