I think I died a long time ago.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
