so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
