everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
