When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
