Hey man sorry I got all grabby
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
