bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
