i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
