So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
