Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
