i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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