I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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