did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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