I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
