So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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