I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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