Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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