You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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