Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This is the high leading the old right now
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
