You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
