I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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