i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
