he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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