Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
