Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
