I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
