Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
