I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
