Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
