I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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