yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
What drink are we having for lunch?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
