I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
