I cut my penus on the lid.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
