I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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