that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
