kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
