i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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