my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize