I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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