I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
