I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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