# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
