batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish you could order shots online.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
