walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
