Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well I just put wine in my tea
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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