I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
