Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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