Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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