If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
