Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I need moral support for this bender
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
