Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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