I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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