he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
