He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
