They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
