going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Everyone says I win the strip club
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
