the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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